We got tanks and planes and orangutans!

July 3, 2019 0 By Michael
Photo by Chris Geirman on Upsplash

Satire

Before I was elected, everybody took advantage of America, the Japanese, the Chinese, the Brits, the Germans, NATO. Everybody except my buddy Putin.

World, if you are listening, the United States of America is a mean country. We bad to the bone. We’ve got tanks and planes and orangutans. We mean business in the USA.

In case you are not listening, we’re going to put our might on display for all the world to see on July Fourth. You know July 4th, that day that Jefferson, Franklin, Gwinnett, and others sent that writ to old King George. I recently met with George’s bloodline, and I have to tell you, we are still better than them.

Well back to July Fourth, we going to have tanks and planes in a massive parade in Washington, D. C. likes of which America never had before this parade. I got my Generals coming, and we will have fireworks and a speech by me in front of 500 of my wealthy donors.

See, it’s the beginning of the second American Revolution, second American Revolution, yea, next year we going to have this little election, you see. It’s nothing to worry about, you know. I met with my boy Vladimir last week (wink, wink), and he thinks the 2020 election is a piece of cake. All we have to do on our end is keep paper ballots out of the hands of the voters and Vlady, and his team of trolls and hackers will do the rest.

See, the way I figure it if something goes wrong and Vlady don’t come through, and I lose the popular vote again and the electoral college vote, I’ll declare martial law, and roll my tanks around the white house and dare any Democrat to come and put me out.

I’m preparing the people on July 4th for what to expect under martial law next year. I want Americans to get accustomed to the sight of tanks and planes in the streets of America as I steal another election from the stupid Democrats. Them Democrats so dumb they torpedoed their only candidate who could give me a serious challenge, even with all the help I’m getting from Vlady.

Poor Joe, I’ve been shaking my head over that one for a solid week.

You know America started a long time ago, and now it is time that we have more control over our people like they do in Russia, China, Philippines, and North Korea.

Already I’ve got a solid 35 percent of the people believing anything I tell them. If I tell them I didn’t rape those women, they suck it up hook, line, and sinker. We have to keep the fossil fuel industry going. The other day I told them that climate change was fake, and they believed me. Hahaha!

To hell with this freedom of the press thingy. It’s the craziest idea old Ben and Tom had back in the day. In the second revolution, we will do away with the press. All communication will come out of the White House anchored by Kelleyanne Conway. And those bloggers out there, we will do as Putin does, the blogger is found dead, and no one will know who did it, end of fake news, zilch, gone forever.

So, listen up world, when the Trumpsky Revolution overtakes America, me and Valdy are coming for the world!

Yep, America is terrible, and when I get her under my control like Valdy’s got Russia, I have to tell you, it’s going down.

Harold Michael Harvey is an American novelist and essayist. Harvey is a Past President of the Gate City Bar Association. He is the recipient of Gate City’s R. E. Thomas Civil Rights Award, which he received because of his pro bono representation of students arrested during Freaknik celebrations in the mid to late 1990s. He is a Contributor at The Hill, SCLC National Magazine, Southern Changes Magazine, Medium, and Black College Nines. Contact him at hmharvey@haroldmichaelharvey.com.