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A little flirt here, a little flirt there plus a couple of decades equals sexual battery. At least this is what the recent rash of “Me Too” moments from back in the day seem to add up to for those who dare to brave the backlash and do the arithmetic.
Actress Angela Lansbury at 92 years of age said as much in a radio interview which was broadcasted in November. According to USA Today, Lansbury addressing the “Me Too” movement opined: “There is two sides to this coin. We have to own up to the fact that women, since time immemorial, have gone out of their way to make themselves attractive. And unfortunately it has backfired on us — and this is where we are today.”
Unfortunately for Lansbury, the social climate does not want to view the other side of this coin. To do so would blunt the thrust of women who are claiming their space in the 21st century. A flirt here and a flirt there may have provided women a safe space in previous times, but not now. Women no longer want to put up with currying favor from men in order to make it in the workplace. Nor should they.
Lansbury drew sharp criticism from the twitter universe for her balanced approached to the age old drama between men and women.
Her critics pointed to the most egregious examples of rape to slap back at Lansbury and anyone else bold enough to get in the way of the “Me Too” avalanche as it gain momentum by the second.
Obviously, a feminist of Lansbury’s legacy, would never condone raping a three month old baby girl, but this is the narrative put forth by Patrica Arquette to shun Lansbury and to ostracize her point of view.
Thus far this movement has mostly claimed liberal entertainers and politicians. Men, who in their public lives have at least promoted the goals of equality for all.
While conservative men, like Donald Trump and Roy Moore, who champion the restriction of women’s rights in particular, seem to be getting a big time hall pass from the “Me Too” movement, largely because, the conservatives thus far implicated in sexual misconduct have flat out lied or called their accusers liars.
The vast majority of men do not prescribe to the Trump philosophy that women are waiting to be touched in their private area by men, or believe as Moore seemingly does, that cruising the mall for high school girls is the Divine Right of a God fearing Christian man.
Yet the universal male gender is placed under a “Me Too” microscope waiting to be judged by today’s changing mores for interpersonal relations that were not challenged years and in some cases decades ago when the alleged conduct occurred.
Notwithstanding the fact that the failure to report was due to fear of retribution or in some cases went unreported to curry favor of some sort at that time.
Which brings us back to the gist of Lansbury’s posit, a flirt here and a flirt there and the poor fellow thinks a particular behavior is okay.
If it was not, hopefully the man comported himself accordingly. If so, end of story. The incident should be left in the past. If on the other hand, something untoward occurred, that is a problem that must be dealt with whenever the victim summons the courage to come forth, no matter how long it takes them to summons that courage.
Leaders of “Me Too” have made their point, women are humans and are not to be objectified by the male species. This paradigm shift must of necessity be codified into the law of the land.
A passing caveat for men: A flirt does not mean she wants intimacy. If that is your goal, you’d best take matters into your own hands and not in the way that Roy and Donald have allegedly done in the past, if you know what I mean.
Harold Michael Harvey is an American novelist and essayist. He is a Contributor at The Hill, SCLC National Magazine, Southern Changes Magazine and Black College Nines. He can be contacted at [email protected]
As usual Michael your writing and insights are tight. I would like to share something with you that has something to do with this post, or nothing at all to do with this post. Like most women, I have had a fair share of unwanted and uninvited male attention. I learned only a few years ago that a good friend of mine was molested by a male family member when she was very young. She refused to tell me who it was, but I made a calculated guess as to his identity because one of her male family members groped me in the vestibule of the church when I was twelve-years-old. Now, before you ask me why I never bothered to report this, I want you to consider this. Every female that I know who has a Daddy that loves her fully knows how he would react to such news. Every Daddy’s Girl knows that her father would kill a man about her. Women often weigh how the men who care about us would/will react to such an offense. Maya Angelou’s uncle went to prison for killing the man who raped her as a small girl. When the offending party is a “respected” member of the church and/or community you are also going against what a slew of people believe about the offender. I was fortunate that all I received was a “grope.” I say this not to dispute anything you have written here. I say this to make sure you understand that women will never, ever be completely forthcoming about these rapes and molestations, not even to the men that love them, precisely because so many of us know how the men who love us will react. The statistics bear out that nearly 80 percent of Black women are violated in some way before they reach the age of eighteen. As the decent and honorable man that you are, please keep in mind that what you know, and what I and so many other women know about these tragic events are totally different scenarios. And tragically, even the best men may never be told everything that we know. Peace. Great writing.
Joy, I know the truth of what you write. I know this treatment of women must stop. I shudder to think of the female relatives in my family who have experiences that they have never shared. I feel for them in their silence as I feel for women whom I have met in life via work, social events and now the internet. If you will recall in my novel Paper Puzzle I wrote about two areas of unequal treatment of women. One of those events have come to pass and I am wanting for the other one to become reality. First I wrote about the fact that women were not allowed to join the Masters Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia simply because they are woman. A few years ago Agusta admitted Dr. Condoleezza Rice. I also, pushed for the passage of the ERA Amendment. Perhaps the climate that we are in now will lead to the codification of the Equal Rights Amendment. And when it comes to pass, I would like to think that Paper Puzzle played a role in changing society for the better. Peace and as always, I enjoyed reading and pondering your unique perspective.
It’s really scary Michael. I still remember my Dad running off older men who accosted teenage girls. I didn’t understand at the time, but he would say something like, “She is nothing but a child. Get the hell on.” I’m proud of my Dad because I met women who would say things like, “Your Daddy kept me out of trouble.” But, I also know that grappling about whether or not to tell “him” whoever that is. There is a line in the film “Daughters of the Dust” where a female cousin is speaking with her female cousin who has been raped. The raped cousin does not know if the child she carries belongs to her husband or to the White man that raped her. “You didn’t tell Eli who did it? Don’t tell him nothing. A black woman has enough to deal with without wondering what tree her husband is hanging from.” That fear, has kept many a woman silent. Peace, and as always your approach to this and many other subjects is always a welcome revelation.
Ase’
I think Paper Puzzle will play a big part in all of this. Keep pushing.
Thanks. There is much tucked away in those pages.
Oh I know.
Joy, I know the truth of what you write. I know this treatment of women must stop. I shudder to think of the female relatives in my family who have experiences that they have never shared. I feel for them in their silence as I feel for women whom I have met in life via work, social events and now the internet. If you will recall in my novel Paper Puzzle I wrote about two areas of unequal treatment of women. One of those events have come to pass and I am wanting for the other one to become reality. First I wrote about the fact that women were not allowed to join the Masters Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia simply because they are woman. A few years ago Agusta admitted Dr. Condoleezza Rice. I also, pushed for the passage of the ERA Amendment. Perhaps the climate that we are in now will lead to the codification of the Equal Rights Amendment. And when it comes to pass, I would like to think that Paper Puzzle played a role in changing society for the better. Peace and as always, I enjoyed reading and pondering your unique perspective.